Be Warned! You Could Be Next!

Last day of March today.
We are getting into the Easter Spirit around here...
The Fake Rabbit Ears have Sprung!
Be warned! You could be next!

Blast from the Past

I had a "Big Wheel" when I was Bennett's age; it was my very much loved first bike. My boy discovered the Radio Flyer Knock Off in Toys'R'Us today; he was having so much fun testing it out, that a store employee actually asked him to slow down. I thought I was done birthday shopping for him. I was wrong...

Where the hell am I going to hide this until his Birthday?

~Unconventional Trash Can~

Walking from the restaurant to our car tonight, my four-year-old pointed this sight out to me: a beer bottle inside the street lamp...

One of the best e-mail forwards I have received (more than once over the years)...

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

~Homework Help~

Denial

I was convinced that I did not have PMS...and then I realized that this bag of chocolates was empty...and the only person to have stuck her paw in the bag was me...and the bag was full a couple hours previous...denial much? I say mmmhmmm.

Such An Exciting Afternoon...Ya'll Should be Jealous!

A repeat of my ever so exciting weekend and Monday morning; using my afternoon to book a hearing assessment, eye-sight test, dentist appointment, vaccination appointment and two pediatrician appointments for my son: I am nothing short of a Lean, Mean, Scheduling Machine! Within the foreseeable future, I am quite certain that my boy will run away screaming at the mere mention of the words, "appointment" or, "doctor," as he will be seeing quite a variety in the upcoming weeks! It's like spring cleaning, only in a freaky medical way...

And the fun is not over yet, oh no, it is not over yet. Tomorrow morning I get to tackle my own schedule and book all my classes for the summer semester. I am quite sure that jealousy is now oozing from the veins of all who are reading this!

On another note, Bennett, being the world's most awesome child, put himself to bed shortly after five o'clock. We had only been home a few minutes and he was very frustrated that I would not let him turn "Dora" on until tomorrow morning; after debating the subject with me all of the way home, he decided that the best solution to the problem would be to go to sleep, so that morning will come sooner! Now, I am free to go to bed as early as I want...and I think I am going to do just that. Good Night.

Worry No More

A.m. Kindergarten spot confirmed. Awesome.

Kindergarten Registration

Okay. So it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was two hours early and thirteenth in line. All were able to wait inside the warm gym. Bennett is registered, but not yet guaranteed an a.m. spot, which I need him to have. (The school will let us know next week.) Hindsight is 20/20: I should have been there three hours early as I had originally planned (but at the last minute I decided to catch a few hours of shut eye), as being earlier in the line-up would have guaranteed an a.m. time slot for the boy.

Bennett had a fine time hanging out with his Papa all morning, and made it through afternoon preschool and evening daycare without a hitch. Quite a feat for a child running on six hours of sleep!

After daycare we made a pit stop at the pet store to coo at the birds, rabbits and fish. I very much desire to bring home a floppy haired hopper...but something tells me my monster sized cats would eat floppy for lunch...hmmm... And I am sure the novelty would wear off after a couple days and I would just be annoyed that I had to care for another creature. So, Floppy can stay at the pet store.

Chemistry midterm tomorrow. Why am I not excited?

A Weekend of Planning for Funner Weekends

Dishes. Laundry. Change sheets on child's bed. Put child to bed. Clean the litter box. Take out the garbage. More Laundry. It is now midnight and I have yet to start my homework. There will be no sleep for me tonight. I am thrilled to say the least.

I suspect my son slept on the way down from the ski hill, because when I picked him up, he was bright eyed and bushy tailed...not cranky and exhausted as he should be at the end of a day spent skiing. Anyways, he did not fall asleep until a few minutes ago. He usually goes to bed between six and seven in the evening...not twenty to midnight!

I am told that he is progressing by great leaps and bounds, becoming faster and more confident with every day that he spends on the hill. Plus, he totally loves the sport! So, by the time my skiing hiatus is over, he will be right up to par and able to ski with me! How completely awesome is that?!!!

The school I want him to attend for kindergarten has enrollment tomorrow at nine-thirty in the morning. Being a first come, first serve, high demand school with only 15 or so spots available for the a.m. kindergarten class; I intend to be there three hours ahead of time, as I have been told there is often quite a line-up on registration day. Now, if skipping English class to stand outside of an elementary school, in the cold, cramming for a chemistry exam while I wait, does not sound like a fun Monday morning...I just don't know what does!

Since the daycare is not open at six in the morning, Bennett gets to hang with his Papa in a nice warm house. I am sure he will be a delightful child to hang out with on less than six hours of sleep!

And our weekend? The most exciting story of all! I scheduled soccer and swim lessons for the next six months for my son. He started tutoring lessons to help him with his alphabet and comprehension (having a long ways to go before he will be at kindergarten level). I had a panic attack in Wal-Mart, while trying to keep a hyper/hungry/over tired four-year-old in check, while standing in a line, waiting for our turn with the cashier that took more than twenty minutes to ring through the person in front of us! Lesson learned (yet again): Don't go to Wal-Mart on a Saturday Afternoon!!!

We did have the opportunity to get together with some old friends on Saturday morning. It was great getting to catch up with J. and Bennett had a blast running around the McDonald's play area with P.

I spent most of my Sunday in an unconscious state, while the child enjoyed the slopes.

Here's hoping that next weekend is more lively, filled with fun stories and great pictures, as the weekend before this one was!

My Big Brother

Tell me this pic does not rock!

Smelly Kitty!

The Niece! took one look at this stuffed skunk and exclaimed,
"Oh, Kitty!" She promptly tucked it under her arm and carried it around the gift shop until I told her to put it back.

Insanity

So freaking tired. I have yet to go to bed and my day starts in four hours. Either I am insane or I am a mom...which equates temporary insanity. Zzzzzz

Not a Morning Person

What a morning. One of those mornings where Bennett wakes up psycho early, all bright eyed and bushy tailed and I don't. Actually, I woke up to Bennett jumping on my bed and saying annoying things in high pitched tones. By the time he convinced me to drag my arse out of bed, his good mood was no longer. The cat was pissed off because we ran out of his smelly (canned food) and he hadn't had his usual dinner the night before; he was even less pleased when he found out his breaky was not going to be served either...

So we drug our sorry butts out the door, with frowns on our faces, to the iced over car and drove strait to the ridiculously happy people at the Starbucks Drive-thru! Oh how I love the fact that they have $1 kids drinks, made all nice and un-hot for the short, obnoxiously early rising type! Ahem. He downed the mini hot chocolate before I had fully exited the drive-thru, but alas, he was happy with his consumption and now had a smile on his face. As did I, coffee in hand.

I keep having to remind myself that the best time to go to Wal-Mart is right after they first open; before the masses descend and the shelves are emptied; before the cashiers have been there long enough to be crabby.

A dozen cans of smelly, a bag of fresh buns and a new pair of Diego decorated sunglasses for the child later, we were a completely transformed bunch (if two is equivalent to a bunch?) Driving home in our now un-iced car, munching on fresh buns, the child no longer complaining about the sun in his eyes...bliss. Well, bliss compared to the first hour of the day.

Oh, and the cat appreciated being fed and not having to survive off his chubby companion's diet food!

Astrology in Bed: What's Your Sign?

Below are descriptions of zodiac signs, with traits from a book written 35 years ago by an astrological predictionist. (Of course, the title of the book and/or the author, failed to be listed. Original source unknown.)

VIRGO: The Virgin

Dominant in relationships. Sexy. Someone loves them right now. Freak in bed. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Intellectual. Attractive. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Hard to forget love at first sight. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. Ultimate sexiness.

SCORPIO: The Sex Addict

Can be mean. EXTREMELY sexy. Intelligent. Energetic. Predict future. Most erotic. Freak in bed. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Sexy. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. The sexiest ever. Romantic. Caring.

LIBRA: The Lame Lover

Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Spontaneous. Horny. Erotic. Their love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique sexiness. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in Bed!! Will blow your mind. Did I say Amazing in Bed? Not the kind of person you wanna fuck with...you might end up crying. The most irresistible.

ARIES: The Liar

Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to fuck with. Funny. Take you on trips to the moon in bed. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY sexy. Loves being in long relationships. Addictive. Loud. Best in bed.

AQUARIUS:. Does it in the Water

Trustworthy. Sexy. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a fighter, but will knock your lights out. Amazing in bed. THE BEST LOVERS BETTER THAN EVERYONE!

GEMINI: Does Twosomes

Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in bed. Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you the fuck out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. ULTRA SEXY. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE.

LEO: The Lion in Bed

Great talker. Sexy and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find; Good when found.

CANCER: The Cutie

MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high sex appeal. Great in bed!!! Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak in bed. Spontaneous. Great telling stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to.

PISCES: The Piece of Ass

Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. Too Sexy, DAMN IT. Very high sex appeal. Has the last word. The best to find, hardest to keep. Fun to be around. Freak in the sheets. Extremely weird but in a good way. Super good in bed. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. A partner for life. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet.

CAPRICORN: The Passionate Lover

Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irresistible, awesome kisser. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. BY FAR the BEST in BED. Very sexy. Coolest. Loves to own Gemini's in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Loves to be your first...so you'll never forget. Smart.

TAURUS: The Tramp

Aggressive. Freak in bed. Rare to find! Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Sexy as hell. Loves to help people in times of need. Outstanding kisser. Very funny. Awesome personality. Stubborn. Most caring person you will ever meet! One of a kind. Are the most sexiest people on earth!

SAGITTARIUS: The Sexy One

Spontaneous. Horny. Freak in Bed. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. The one. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique sexiness. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in Bed!!! Did I say Amazing in Bed? Not the kind of person you wanna fuck with; you might end up crying.

Religions of the World

Hare Krishna - Crap happens, Rama Lama Ding Dong

Hinduism - This Crap happened before

Islam - If Crap happens, take a hostage

Zen - What is the sound of Crap Happening?

Buddhism - When Crap happens, is it really Crap?

7th Day Adventist - Crap happens on Saturday

Protestantism - Crap won't happen if I work harder

Catholicism - If Crap happens, I deserve it

Jehovah's Witness - Knock Knock, "Crap Happens"

Unitarian - What is this Crap?

Mormonism - Crap happens again, and again, and again...

Judaism - Why does this Crap always happen to me?

Rastafarianism - Let's smoke this Crap!

Light Weight Niece

At 16 mos. the Niece! weighs in at 21.5 lbs with clothes on.
She weighs as much as my son did at 5 mos.
I find humor in this.

Yet, they are both spot on for having the same shoe size at 16 mos.

Valentine's Shmalentine's

Ah Valentine's Day.

A day for lovers. And I am not a member of that club this time 'round, so...

Ah Wednesday.

The longest, most exhausting day of the whole week! Throw in two exams, freezing weather and a decent lack of sleep, and you have exactly how I am feeling right now!

But wait, it gets better! One of the four legged, furry, inhabitants of this home thought it right to leave this for me in my absence...
Yes, that would be partially digested, regurgitated kitty lunch all over my computer monitor.

Thanks.

So...

Ah Valentine's Day.

A day for cute four-year-old Valentine's Day cuteness.

Oh the Choices!

Shall we buy the "cars" movie themed valentines or the "hot wheels" themed valentines for the preschool classmates?
Which Valentine's Teddy Bear to pick out for one's favorite four-year-old female friend?

Choices! Choices!

And the sheer joy of heart shaped confetti on a string, curled up like a wreath!



Must get a second wreath to go with the Teddy Bear!

**************

This morning he ripped three little hearts off of his heart wreath and handed them to me and said,

"Happy Valentine's Day, Mom!"

Happy Valentine's Day indeed!

*wrinkled due to spending the day in my pocket

"Mama, I did not touch your camera!"

He very convincingly, and for no apparent reason, told me, "Mama, I did not touch your camera!"

"Oh?"

Daddy

50 Years: you would have been fifty years old today
16 years: you have been gone more than sixteen years
You have been missed;
Missed at every birthday and holiday gathering;
At every graduation, wedding and birth
How different life would have been if you had stayed;
Different good or different bad, will never be known
While the sting of your death has dissipated,
The lack of your presence has not
You are truly, whole heartedly missed