At a Cross Roads...

Where to go from here?

God kids/son's siblings are moving up North in a week. Which means our standard routine of the last 2.5 yrs is now dissolving; instead of weekend hangouts we will be seeing them during the summer months from now on, or so I am assuming. With this "change" our last reason to be "here" has just dissolved.

I have spent the last year horribly ill but have recently re-gained my health with the removal of my gallbladder. Horray for minor organ removal!

So, I am single and our standard family unit has just become concentrated into a "Bennett and Mama unit" as our need to accommodate it's expansion twice a month is no longer valid (kids will be a 8-10 hr drive away and thus our visits will be taking place during school holidays.)

For those of you who are confused, BP1 & BP2 are my son's siblings from his biological father who is no longer welcome in any of the childrens' lives due to his own bad behaviour. So, after being asked by their mother to be their god-mother, I stepped in and have had them in my home on an average of every other weekend for the last 2.5 yrs. They are an important part of our heart and my son's long term family, but not a part of our daily lives...and now that is changing even further, as they are moving north with their mother and step father...too far for weekend commuting.

So, here I stand, tied to absolutely nothing except my son and a couple of resident felines.

(Another story, our Milo-Bear was hit by a car on April 24th...four days before he would have been nine yrs old...and is now burried in my mother's garden. His loss was catastrophic for both Bennett and I and we ended up adopting a small kitten a month after his death, in an attempt to distract ourselves and our other kitty, Thomas, who is ten and has spent most of his life with Milo as a bother. This distraction worked in part...we have fallen in love with our new kitten, but losing a beloved pet just sucks. Milo was as devoted to Bennett as any creature could have possibly been and this relationship cannot be replaced. I think we will miss our "Love Bear" always...)

I feel like I am sitting at a cross road and don't know which way to turn. I can move to Hawaii and finish my education, while saying farewell to winter, which ravages my lungs and leaves me unable to smell for 6-8 months out of the year...though this would be the furthest from my entire family except for the sister currently living in the islands. I could turn back to tourism and find work here in the hopes of learning to love where I am at...or I can turn south and find opportunity on the US mainland, where I was born.

What to do, what to do...