An Affair with a Woody

A snippet from an MSN conversation I had a few minutes ago with my wonderful & ironically innocent minded (I don't know how that is possible for a person who regularly speaks to me...) cousin & friend, Emily; she was telling me about a string quintet performance that she played in this morning:

Emily-bemily-bum says:
I have violin blisters on my fingers from the strings, and pimples on my neck from holding the violin- usually I get a hickey, but not pimples!
HeZa HeKeLe - - - says:
doesn't it mean you had a hot date when you have a hickey on your neck?
Emily-bemily-bum says:
or an affair with a beautiful piece of wood
HeZa HeKeLe - - - says:
oh darling, if only you knew how bad that actually sounds
HeZa HeKeLe - - - says:
you innocent thing you
HeZa HeKeLe - - - says:
an affair with a woody is a lonely thing indeed
Emily-bemily-bum says:
yes, i know

Field Trip

I was able to go with Bennett and his class on his second field trip this morning; today's destination being slightly more interesting than the last: a trip to the skating rink over a trip to the hospital. This was Bennett's first time on skates. He did awesome! Although, I think he was more excited about riding on a school bus, a first as well, than he was about the skating. Just prior to arriving back at the school, he broke his silent stare towards the front of the bus and very curiously asked me, "Mom, is the guy driving the bus a neanderthal?"

What do you think?

Priceless Is:

"Plan B: Emergency Contraceptive" commercial airing in the first fifteen minutes of "A Very Duggar Wedding."

I laughed my face off.

What NOT to say to someone who has just agreed to massage your aching shoulders...especially when that someone is your baby brother...

Shoulder rubbing commences.

Baby Brother: If you moan again, this massage will be over.

Heza: That's not moaning, I'm just breathing...but I could moan if you want me to.

Baby Brother: Go ahead and try, then I'll stuff my socks in your mouth.

Heza: Well, that would certainly be better than something else.

Shoulder rubbing comes to an abrupt halt as my baby brother flies to the other side of the room, leaving both his girlfriend and I doubled over in laughter that sounded more like choking.

I should have kept my big, dirty mouth shut, cause I never did get the rest of that shoulder massage.

The New U.S. Dollar

Urban Pack Mule

This was a drive-by shooting...

...with a camera of course.

Civil Engineering Reference Wallpaper

I don't know where I found this, but it's as funny today as it was the first time I saw it...

No need to make a trip to the pharmacy...

Bennett came down with some congestion, which brought his asthma out of summer induced remission. He missed several days of school this week due to waking up with a cough that made him sound like he was dying, even though he wasn't. After giving his immune system a few days to step up to the plate, I relented and decided drugging him might be a kind thing to do.

I was shocked when I found, in my regularly ill-stocked medicine cabinet/little blue Rubbermaid tub, that I not only had an un-opened bottle of children's cough suppressant/decongestant and a bottle of children's Tylenol, but also the g-string I haven't been able to find since we moved last month.

Your Dairy Indeed

An page from last week's the local grocery flier:

Note the upper right corner:

When Pumpkins Drink Too Much

*Thanks to Em for passing this one my way. I am inspired.

Uniquely Albertan

Just outside of Edson, en-route to Jasper, this sign caught my eye. I laughed so hard that I just had to do a u-turn and come about again to get a picture.

Never argue with a woman who reads...

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?'

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.''

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"For reading a book?" she replies.

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her again.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am." And he left.

Priceless: Soccer

Irreverence

Guilty as charged.

Making Fun of My Roots...

Reading Test

For Scotty

Peep Show