Last night, a drunk driver, plowed into the back of my sister's van, causing a four-car-pile-up, involving three parked cars and his own, and totaling them all. Thank god all of the innocent vehicles in the accident were parked and not occupied by human beings, thus the damage was mostly limited to an extensive clean-up and a HUGE inconvenience for the owners of the vehicles. My sister & brother-in-law, however, were up most of the night with the circus that followed and were more than slightly exhausted come today.
So as The Niece! did not miss an important orientation day at her new daycare, I volunteered to take her. She did so well! And I have to say, that hanging out with a dozen one & two-year-olds was an interesting way to spend a morning!
What a big girl! A year ago, she was a bald little peanut, learning how to crawl; today, while still a peanut that weighs next to nothing, she is a big girl, with a full head of beautiful hair, and on her way off to Nursery School!
I hate to tell you, big brother, but the stroller you were slated to inherit from our little sister, for your soon-to-be-offspring, was in the back of her van, which happened to be the drunkard's point of impact, thus smashing the little hot rod to smithereens! So, Happy Stroller Shopping to y'all!
**UPDATE** In the evening, after all was said and done, my sister received a call from her daycare of choice, with the news that they had an opening and it was hers for the taking. So...turns out our little auntie/niece orientation day was at a daycare The Niece! will not be attending after all. Figures.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
~SHITTY~
Bird Shit on Bennett's Passenger Window.
Obnoxious. Annoying. But still has to be cleaned up.
Pretty much a metaphor for life lately...
Obnoxious. Annoying. But still has to be cleaned up.
Pretty much a metaphor for life lately...
~Bad Directions~
Go to Google.ca
Click on 'maps'
Click on 'get directions'
Type in 'New York' (in the "from" box)
Type in 'London' (in the "to" box)
Click on 'get directions' (next to the "to" box)
On the left, scroll down to #24
HaHaHa!
Click on 'maps'
Click on 'get directions'
Type in 'New York' (in the "from" box)
Type in 'London' (in the "to" box)
Click on 'get directions' (next to the "to" box)
On the left, scroll down to #24
HaHaHa!
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Zen Sarcasm
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I'll use this picture next time Bennett asks for a Dog...
******************************
(According to the e-mail...)
Hercules was recently awarded the honourable distinction of Worlds Biggest Dog by Guinness World Records. Hercules is an English Mastiff and has a 38 inch neck and weighs 282 pounds. With "paws the size of softballs" (reports the Boston Herald), the three-year-old monster is far larger and heavier than his breed's standard 200lb. limit. Hercules owner Mr. Flynn says that Hercules weight is natural and not induced by a bizarre diet:
"I fed him normal food and he just grew"... and grew and grew and grew.
******************************
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
Monday, April 9, 2007
Happy Birthday My Boy!
Five years ago today, I became a Mama to the most beautiful little pumpkin I had ever seen.
We had Chocolate Moose Cake for Breaky this morning. I think we should make that a tradition.
Happy Birthday my Precious Boy.
We had Chocolate Moose Cake for Breaky this morning. I think we should make that a tradition.
Happy Birthday my Precious Boy.
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Be Warned! You Could Be Next!
Last day of March today.
We are getting into the Easter Spirit around here...
The Fake Rabbit Ears have Sprung!
Be warned! You could be next!
We are getting into the Easter Spirit around here...
The Fake Rabbit Ears have Sprung!
Be warned! You could be next!
Friday, March 30, 2007
Blast from the Past
I had a "Big Wheel" when I was Bennett's age; it was my very much loved first bike. My boy discovered the Radio Flyer Knock Off in Toys'R'Us today; he was having so much fun testing it out, that a store employee actually asked him to slow down. I thought I was done birthday shopping for him. I was wrong...
Where the hell am I going to hide this until his Birthday?
Where the hell am I going to hide this until his Birthday?
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
~Unconventional Trash Can~
Walking from the restaurant to our car tonight, my four-year-old pointed this sight out to me: a beer bottle inside the street lamp...
Friday, March 23, 2007
One of the best e-mail forwards I have received (more than once over the years)...
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Denial
I was convinced that I did not have PMS...and then I realized that this bag of chocolates was empty...and the only person to have stuck her paw in the bag was me...and the bag was full a couple hours previous...denial much? I say mmmhmmm.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Such An Exciting Afternoon...Ya'll Should be Jealous!
A repeat of my ever so exciting weekend and Monday morning; using my afternoon to book a hearing assessment, eye-sight test, dentist appointment, vaccination appointment and two pediatrician appointments for my son: I am nothing short of a Lean, Mean, Scheduling Machine! Within the foreseeable future, I am quite certain that my boy will run away screaming at the mere mention of the words, "appointment" or, "doctor," as he will be seeing quite a variety in the upcoming weeks! It's like spring cleaning, only in a freaky medical way...
And the fun is not over yet, oh no, it is not over yet. Tomorrow morning I get to tackle my own schedule and book all my classes for the summer semester. I am quite sure that jealousy is now oozing from the veins of all who are reading this!
On another note, Bennett, being the world's most awesome child, put himself to bed shortly after five o'clock. We had only been home a few minutes and he was very frustrated that I would not let him turn "Dora" on until tomorrow morning; after debating the subject with me all of the way home, he decided that the best solution to the problem would be to go to sleep, so that morning will come sooner! Now, I am free to go to bed as early as I want...and I think I am going to do just that. Good Night.
And the fun is not over yet, oh no, it is not over yet. Tomorrow morning I get to tackle my own schedule and book all my classes for the summer semester. I am quite sure that jealousy is now oozing from the veins of all who are reading this!
On another note, Bennett, being the world's most awesome child, put himself to bed shortly after five o'clock. We had only been home a few minutes and he was very frustrated that I would not let him turn "Dora" on until tomorrow morning; after debating the subject with me all of the way home, he decided that the best solution to the problem would be to go to sleep, so that morning will come sooner! Now, I am free to go to bed as early as I want...and I think I am going to do just that. Good Night.
Monday, March 5, 2007
Kindergarten Registration
Okay. So it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was two hours early and thirteenth in line. All were able to wait inside the warm gym. Bennett is registered, but not yet guaranteed an a.m. spot, which I need him to have. (The school will let us know next week.) Hindsight is 20/20: I should have been there three hours early as I had originally planned (but at the last minute I decided to catch a few hours of shut eye), as being earlier in the line-up would have guaranteed an a.m. time slot for the boy.
Bennett had a fine time hanging out with his Papa all morning, and made it through afternoon preschool and evening daycare without a hitch. Quite a feat for a child running on six hours of sleep!
After daycare we made a pit stop at the pet store to coo at the birds, rabbits and fish. I very much desire to bring home a floppy haired hopper...but something tells me my monster sized cats would eat floppy for lunch...hmmm... And I am sure the novelty would wear off after a couple days and I would just be annoyed that I had to care for another creature. So, Floppy can stay at the pet store.
Chemistry midterm tomorrow. Why am I not excited?
Bennett had a fine time hanging out with his Papa all morning, and made it through afternoon preschool and evening daycare without a hitch. Quite a feat for a child running on six hours of sleep!
After daycare we made a pit stop at the pet store to coo at the birds, rabbits and fish. I very much desire to bring home a floppy haired hopper...but something tells me my monster sized cats would eat floppy for lunch...hmmm... And I am sure the novelty would wear off after a couple days and I would just be annoyed that I had to care for another creature. So, Floppy can stay at the pet store.
Chemistry midterm tomorrow. Why am I not excited?
Sunday, March 4, 2007
A Weekend of Planning for Funner Weekends
Dishes. Laundry. Change sheets on child's bed. Put child to bed. Clean the litter box. Take out the garbage. More Laundry. It is now midnight and I have yet to start my homework. There will be no sleep for me tonight. I am thrilled to say the least.
I suspect my son slept on the way down from the ski hill, because when I picked him up, he was bright eyed and bushy tailed...not cranky and exhausted as he should be at the end of a day spent skiing. Anyways, he did not fall asleep until a few minutes ago. He usually goes to bed between six and seven in the evening...not twenty to midnight!
I am told that he is progressing by great leaps and bounds, becoming faster and more confident with every day that he spends on the hill. Plus, he totally loves the sport! So, by the time my skiing hiatus is over, he will be right up to par and able to ski with me! How completely awesome is that?!!!
The school I want him to attend for kindergarten has enrollment tomorrow at nine-thirty in the morning. Being a first come, first serve, high demand school with only 15 or so spots available for the a.m. kindergarten class; I intend to be there three hours ahead of time, as I have been told there is often quite a line-up on registration day. Now, if skipping English class to stand outside of an elementary school, in the cold, cramming for a chemistry exam while I wait, does not sound like a fun Monday morning...I just don't know what does!
Since the daycare is not open at six in the morning, Bennett gets to hang with his Papa in a nice warm house. I am sure he will be a delightful child to hang out with on less than six hours of sleep!
And our weekend? The most exciting story of all! I scheduled soccer and swim lessons for the next six months for my son. He started tutoring lessons to help him with his alphabet and comprehension (having a long ways to go before he will be at kindergarten level). I had a panic attack in Wal-Mart, while trying to keep a hyper/hungry/over tired four-year-old in check, while standing in a line, waiting for our turn with the cashier that took more than twenty minutes to ring through the person in front of us! Lesson learned (yet again): Don't go to Wal-Mart on a Saturday Afternoon!!!
I spent most of my Sunday in an unconscious state, while the child enjoyed the slopes.
Here's hoping that next weekend is more lively, filled with fun stories and great pictures, as the weekend before this one was!
I suspect my son slept on the way down from the ski hill, because when I picked him up, he was bright eyed and bushy tailed...not cranky and exhausted as he should be at the end of a day spent skiing. Anyways, he did not fall asleep until a few minutes ago. He usually goes to bed between six and seven in the evening...not twenty to midnight!
I am told that he is progressing by great leaps and bounds, becoming faster and more confident with every day that he spends on the hill. Plus, he totally loves the sport! So, by the time my skiing hiatus is over, he will be right up to par and able to ski with me! How completely awesome is that?!!!
The school I want him to attend for kindergarten has enrollment tomorrow at nine-thirty in the morning. Being a first come, first serve, high demand school with only 15 or so spots available for the a.m. kindergarten class; I intend to be there three hours ahead of time, as I have been told there is often quite a line-up on registration day. Now, if skipping English class to stand outside of an elementary school, in the cold, cramming for a chemistry exam while I wait, does not sound like a fun Monday morning...I just don't know what does!
Since the daycare is not open at six in the morning, Bennett gets to hang with his Papa in a nice warm house. I am sure he will be a delightful child to hang out with on less than six hours of sleep!
And our weekend? The most exciting story of all! I scheduled soccer and swim lessons for the next six months for my son. He started tutoring lessons to help him with his alphabet and comprehension (having a long ways to go before he will be at kindergarten level). I had a panic attack in Wal-Mart, while trying to keep a hyper/hungry/over tired four-year-old in check, while standing in a line, waiting for our turn with the cashier that took more than twenty minutes to ring through the person in front of us! Lesson learned (yet again): Don't go to Wal-Mart on a Saturday Afternoon!!!
We did have the opportunity to get together with some old friends on Saturday morning. It was great getting to catch up with J. and Bennett had a blast running around the McDonald's play area with P.
I spent most of my Sunday in an unconscious state, while the child enjoyed the slopes.
Here's hoping that next weekend is more lively, filled with fun stories and great pictures, as the weekend before this one was!
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