Perhaps we should have named him Waldo...

Mayhem

Kiddie Boot Camp has Commenced

Things I intended to blog about but haven't because there is not a spare moment in the day, being as I am spending my days re-defining insanity and all...

Sooo, on the 18th The Niece! came over for a sleep over. On Saturday I took the kids sledding at Nana's house and then returned The Niece! to her rightful owners. Sunday was spent being pissed off at *yes, I'm talking to you Miss Thing!* who has since, more than redeemed herself AND driving to the Okanagan to get the kids. Tuesday, Uncle Crabby up and died (not my uncle) and the mourners came a pouring in to Hell's Furnace for funeral arrangements and such. Wednesday was spent getting the kids' wardrobes in order (Jamie is no longer allowed to touch laundry so long as I am in the vicinity to do it...she has been fired from this task!) and hauling the posse home. After hauling all three kids in the house, I dislocated a couple of ribs from their sockets while hauling the larger than life and over stuffed suitcase out of the trunk of my car...I heard the pop...and I'm sure the neighbours heard me scream! It took another ten minutes to figure out how to get the suitcase out of the car without using my right arm or putting pressure on the right side of my body...I'm sure it would have been a humorous show to watch! I had to call my Mommy to come save the day, being as I could not even lift the baby into his crib. She very graciously came and saved my ass by both coming and helping to get the kids in bed as well as coming again in the morning to watch said children while I went to the Chiropractor to put the delinquent ribs back in their sockets! And I, the super healer that I am, was no worse for the wear by the weekend! Thursdays madness including a lot of whining and bitching about how much pain I was in as well as hauling three kids to the pool for Bennett's swimming lessons. On Friday I hauled three kids out into the -20 degree weather to take Bennett to school, only to be reminded upon our arrival that there is no school on the last Friday of each month...damn, I wonder why I did not remember that?! It's not like I have been busy or anything... Then I insanely hauled four kiddos to the Portrait Studio for a re-shoot and Gong Show, part deux ensued! Friday night...I met myself a Monty! I highly recommend this...only you get to find your own! The weekend rocked like no other, in spite of the Other Mother/Babysitter being unable to make it to town and I having to pawn the children off on various family members/friends in order to still go out and hit the town on Saturday night! Thanks Nana & Ben! You guys rock! Sunday night I once again found myself more than slightly out numbered by short people...once you have three, what difference does four make? The Niece! sobbed when I returned her on Monday (after this time hauling four kiddos to swimming lessons!)...apparently Insanity at Auntie's House is Fun! and hard to walk away from!!! I vaguely remember Tuesday coming and going and I think it is now Wednesday? (Please correct me if I am wrong...) The 30th for crying out loud!

Kiddie Boot Camp has commenced and I am not letting up until the Insanity has been turned into Order! Wish me luck!

Couldn't Have Said it Better Myself!

Actual conversation between me and the four-year-old in the back seat of my car this afternoon:

Bonus Pumpkin 1: I want to take off my coat.

Heza: No.

BP1: Why?

Heza: Unfortunately for you, me dear, we are not in Hawaii...we are in Canada and it is winter time and we are getting out of the car in a minute and you will require the wearing of a coat so that you don't get chilled.

BP1: I want to go to Hawaii.

Heza: That would be nice right about now. I could use a holiday.

BP1: A Holiday without Children?

Heza: You are wise beyond your years my dear!

Sweet Weekend...so busy I forgot to take pics...except for these...

Monty Grrr & Lukey-Bear...and the Ghetto Couch...whose days are numbered...four weeks and five days to be exact!


That's right boy! You best not be touchin' those there buttons!

Toga-ness

Pre consumption of many things alcoholic...

Child Zoo

This is where my child hung out while Mama was toga partying it up last month. Doesn't he look ecstatic?
(Bennett lower left, Shae lower right)

Still dark outside in the frozen north...

5:30 a.m. Why am I becoming so acquainted with this hour? This time 'round it is because I drank way too much coffee on the drive down here last night, and ten hours later I am still buzzing...need I say I did not sleep last night?

Bennett is happily watching Treehouse, Shay is still asleep, the baby is still asleep, the other mother is still asleep and Gramps is snoring in his chair beside me. Here is hopes that I get to steal a nap today...

This is officially the world's most boring post...I'm yawning and I just wrote it.

I had a whole great post in my head when I was tossing and turning and trying to obtain unconsciousness...but alas, it is no longer in the noggin' now that I have surrender to my fate of wakefulness.

The End.

Well Good Morning Crack of Dawn! How Are You?

I sit here this morning, so glad that I went to sleep as soon as the children passed out last night, because a certain two-year-old came a calling at a frightfully early Saturday morning hour (5:30, cough), "Auntieeeeeeee!" What followed was half an hour of giggling and calling for "Thomas! Tommeeeeeeee! Thomas! Tom?!" (For the record, the furball did a good job of ignoring her.) Then there were delightful squeals of "Lovie! My Love Bear! Oh, Lovie!" upon discovering the feline in the kitchen, standing watch beside his empty food dish. Apparently, 'Milo-Bear' sounds like, 'My Love Bear' to certain little ears and she very affectionately shortens it to 'Lovie'. Milo is none the wiser. She is now watching Treehouse from atop her Kettler trike and adamantly denying that she is in need of a diaper change. And it just occurred to me that she knows how to peddle...when did she learn that trick?

This new deal of 'sleeping over at Auntie's house' is going quite smoothly. Thank god Bennett is still asleep though. Now, how much orange juice is too much for a two-year-old?

________________________________________

*Just for the record...my boy woke up at a very reasonable 7:15...he's like his Mama...prefers to sleep before the sun comes up!

Better Luck Next Time?

Ring. Ring.

EDIL2 (Ex Daughter-in-Law #2): "Hello."

O (Officer): "Hello ma'am. I am calling you because we have a report here from EEMIL (Evil Ex Mother-in-Law) that you have been threatening her son's life."

EDIL2: "Oh?"

O: "Yes."

EDIL2: "If I was going to threaten his life, don't you think I would have done it five months ago when I found out he was a pedophile? If I was going to do him any harm, don't you think I would have simply killed him with my bare hands, five months ago, when I had the opportunity?"

O: "Yes. I have been reading up on his file. I noticed that little detail. I don't like pedophiles."

EDIL2: "Not too many people do."

O: "Thank you for your time. Sorry for bothering you ma'am."

Moral of the story: If one is going to make up false claims and go to all the trouble to file a false police report, shouldn't one at least make up a story that is believable? Secondly, if one is going to go to all the trouble to file a police report, claiming such accusations, shouldn't the recipient of such accusations at least be someone who holds even an ounce of credibility? Maybe EEMIL will do better next time...

I am so tempted to make up a bumper sticker that says, "Proud Mother of a Pedophile" and hire someone to stick it to the bumper of her car! Any takers?

*I would be EDIL1 and I was lucky enough to rid myself of EEMIL's son (and the rest of the crazy family, for that matter) 3.5 years prior to his graduation from "Scum of the Earth" to "Inmate who's life other inmates threaten" (a.k.a. "Pedophile").

Head Scratcher

Pour yourself drink, sit down and click on the link. Be prepared to walk away scratching your head and wanting another drink...

http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/82090/detail/

le Sneeze

Happy 22nd Birthday Stephanie!

Oh Baby! (January Edition)

Congratulations to Amber & Robert on the birth of their son! Jayson Ikaika Patrick was born at 5:21 this morning; 7 lbs, 9 oz, 21" long.
(1st time parents, Hawaii)

____________________

Congratulations to Shanda & Jeremy on the birth of their daughter! Kyla May arrived on January 10th, a baby sister for Owen! (BC)

Cute.

Sometimes when you are angry with someone,
it helps to sit down and think about the problem.


*Received in e-mail forward

Happy 20th Birthday to my Baby Brother!

...and Elvis too for that matter.

27th of DECEMBER ~PICKING AUNTIE UP FROM THE AIRPORT~

THE NIECE! PULLING HER ALLIGATOR THROUGH THE AIRPORT...

THE NIECE! & THE PUMPKIN, WATCHING FOR AUNTIE'S PLANE TO LAND...

THE NIECE! WATCHING FOR AUNTIE'S LUGGAGE ON THE CAROUSEL...I GET A KICK OUT OF THE DRESS W/SNOW BOOTS GET-UP...

THE NIECE! IN FRONT OF THE DECEMBER FROZEN-NESS...A STARK CONTRAST FROM THE TROPICS FROM WHENCE AUNTIE & GABE HAD COME...

AT MCDONALD'S...IMMEDIATELY PRECEDING THE DYING OF MY CAMERA BATTERY...

STUD

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire."

The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over."

The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can. The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dammit.....third gay rooster I bought this month."

Doh!

After tiring of trying to put lace up boots on an autistic kid that is as helpful as a rag doll when being dressed, my mother tried to put Bennett's snow boots on my sister's godson, as an alternative, but was not having any better luck. Knowing that they had the same shoe size, she reached into the boots to see why she was having such trouble slipping them onto his feet; therein she found two socks jammed into the toe of EACH boot! Bennett had apparently been wearing them this way for quite some time, including BOTH trips to the Wild Lights the previous week.

Seriously, did he not think to reach into his boots, that must have felt three sizes too small and pull out the damn socks? No, in typical boy fashion, he just wore them that way and took the pain! He did, twice, complaining that he would rather wear his runners, after having dealt with the misery for several hours!

Ghetto Bottle

I cannot claim responsibility for this genius, but I am impressed nonetheless. What does one do when one finds one's self unexpectedly out of bottle liners and one's child is screaming for a bah? Grab a Ziploc sandwich bag and get the show on the road...that's what!