Under My Skin

Have you ever been betrayed? Have you ever learned that the person/people you thought you could trust/count on/confide in would turn on you in your darkest hour, your weakest moment? The individuals that should know you well enough to ask what is wrong before denouncing you as expendable turn out to know you least and are the fastest to run away?

I've been down this road before...with friends, lovers, extended family members. The harder you love, the more there is at stake to lose if it all goes sour. I know that this is the flavour of life, and it truly makes me love all the more fiercely when I do.

But, after ringing in the new year the way I did; after having such a bright mirror held up in front of my face, I am left wondering if I'll ever be able to truly trust again. I know that this will pass and time takes the sting out of most wounds, but this hurts so bad.

I ended last year bragging at how I have two sisters by chance, two best friends by choice. I started this year with no bragging rights. Being related does not make one worthy of loyalty, trust or time.

Love. It brings the best and the worst out of us. I'm going to try to stear clear of it for awhile.

Priceless Is:

"Plan B: Emergency Contraceptive" commercial airing in the first fifteen minutes of "A Very Duggar Wedding."

I laughed my face off.

Siblings

Two of the new portraits taken of the kids over the holidays...

Pumpkin Reflection...taken right before he said, "I miss my brother and sister." He says these words often when they are not together.

This is what Pumpkins look like in the snow...

She refused to sit down for this photo, that is, until her brothers exited the picture...then she sat down...and was genuinely offended that they would not stick around and cooperate with her attempts at being difficult. Do you like Bennett's mis-matched gloves? I swear he has lost one of every pair, only what's left is all one handed...I'm surprised that he found an opposing mitt for his other hand.

BP2 (24 mos), BP1 (5 yrs, 1 mos), Bennett Pumpkin (6 yrs, 9 mos)

According to spell check, I don't know how to spell esophogus. Apparently it's esophagus. Now I know.

So, house sitting has commenced, even though we have been camped out here for months awaiting thus commencement. Dad finally received his second heart surgery, with much drama, I might add. And, bonus! He totally survived! And, he has a throat! This may seem trivial to some, but he was told, hours before surgery, hours before being loaded on the air-vac jet for a third time in two months, to go to Vancouver for 'emergency' surgery that kept being post-poned, that the infection that had developed in his previous graft, the graft that is holding his aorta together, thus not allowing the pesky little aneurysm to kill him, had jumped to his esophagus and eaten through it and they would now have to remove said esophagus. Oh, and he had a 10% chance of surviving this heart surgery. No problem. Because he had a zero chance of surviving the surgery he received 13 months ago. So, we all know how that ball bounces. Anyways, he is nice and alive, with a new graft to replace the infected one, and this graft is bigger, thus covering the newly enlarged and ever more present aneurysm that was trying even harder to negate his existence. And, double bonus! The infection hadn't jumped to his esophagus, it was more of an internal pressure sore from the pressure of the aneurysm on his esophagus and they were able to do a patch job instead of an extraction job...so he'll be able to eat food again, which makes life much tastier, if your going to bother living said life.

It's really been a long weekend.

There is more to this story. Perhaps there will be a part three. Or there will be pictures. You just never know.

The start of an actual post...with real words even!

Holy crap is Lukey starting to look more and more like the sperm donor; and by that, perhaps I should say more and more like he's actually related to Bennett. His recent change of eye colour isn't helping things much. This is not a bad thing, because Bennett is quite beautiful, in my own biased opinion (funny how that happens when you birth someone), and them looking like they are actually brothers is quite heart warming, being as I love them both to pieces. It's just such a funny spot to see those facial expressions coming from both of them; facial expressions that I once saw on a person I loved so completely, a person who is now not a part of my life in any way; a person that is responsible for bringing all three of my pumpkins into my life, yet is so dangerous that we all stay the hell away from him and grimace when he is brought up in conversation. Life, it just has a way of being so unexpecting; and to have the greatest gratitude for someone and the greatest sense of fear of the same person...it is truly a trip and a half. Interesting experience for sure.

(Yayaya, for anyone who has yet to put the pieces together, Luke and Bennett are 'bruthas from otha muthas' and have mutual paternity; that paternity being the person who was my spouse for 6.5 years and my first love...a person who now happens to be a bad ass bastard who is not allowed near any of the children...not allowed near any children ever for that matter...and we now refer to him as The Sperm Donor or just Stanley, again, not his real name, but his real name happens to be Bennett's middle name and a name I really love, so I'm not going to let him ruin it for me or for Bennett, so, since it was his bad choices that turned him into a bad ass bastard, he's the one that gets a name change...so Stanley it is.)

There is so much more to this post and I'm actually in the mood to write at the moment, so hopefully I'll have a chance to sit down and rant later today...otherwise, it'll just end up being more pictures. Damn how I love pictures! Especially ones of my pumpkins. They rock. But, right now I must rescue my child from the tub. So, toodles.

No Words

What kind of idiots would make their child into a poster board for their own beliefs...especially if those beliefs were just a tad bit, umm, hateful? Three-year-old Adolf Hitler removed from his parents' home by Child Protective Services.

What NOT to say to someone who has just agreed to massage your aching shoulders...especially when that someone is your baby brother...

Shoulder rubbing commences.

Baby Brother: If you moan again, this massage will be over.

Heza: That's not moaning, I'm just breathing...but I could moan if you want me to.

Baby Brother: Go ahead and try, then I'll stuff my socks in your mouth.

Heza: Well, that would certainly be better than something else.

Shoulder rubbing comes to an abrupt halt as my baby brother flies to the other side of the room, leaving both his girlfriend and I doubled over in laughter that sounded more like choking.

I should have kept my big, dirty mouth shut, cause I never did get the rest of that shoulder massage.

Cute Story

5 & 6 yr olds try to elope to Africa...don't make it past train station. Don't you hate it when your plans are foiled by pesky security men?!

Am I late already?

I finally mailed my Christmas Cards. Five days into the new year. Perhaps this is why I usually don't bother? Or is this just a sign of things to come? Is everything going to take twice as long as it should this year? Or am I thinking way too much into this?

It feels so good to say good bye to 2008. It was a very long year with many extreme highs and many extreme lows. If this year can be just a little more mellow, I will be one fantastically happy camper.

Happy Birthday Lukey Baby!!

Do You Feel Stared At?

Pumpkin-ness

Laid back passenger...

Unimpressed with the impromptu photo shoot...

Making the best of it...

Best Santa Picture Ever (from last year)

The Niece (age 2), Bennett (5 yrs) and Santa
Christmas 2007

Bennettisms

While watching Star Trek Nemesis, after a scene where the crew was "transported/beamed" to a new location:

Bennett: Wow! Did they get there with their magic?

Heza: No, it's called being transported.

Bennett: Well, I think they should have just taken the stairs.
********************************************************************************

Watching the "Top Ten" on the music channel is part of our morning routine. Bennett sings along with many songs and I work with him to learn the lyrics to the ones he likes the most.

The other day I caught Bennett very confidently singing along with a song, "One Banana, One Banana, your a One Banana!"

The real lyrics? "Womanizer, Womanizer, your a Womanizer!"

I have no urge to correct him.

(Womanizer, by Britney Spears, seriously, how is she in the top ten? Did she not spend the first half of this year going nuts?)

Broken computers sucketh.

Re-building said computer with components from yet another computer is not the best idea if you expect to have anything that works in the end.

Note to self: you are not a computer tech.

After being sent off to find the remote that he was seen with last, Bennett came down the stairs and said, very authoritatively, "I could not find the remote, so I got an orange instead!" And with that he ended his search. Problem solved. Remote still M.I.A.

After being served his second sardine sandwich (blame my mother, not me), Bennett announced that he does not like sardines. And it only took him TWO sandwiches to figure out that he does not like eating pickled fish with their heads still attached...

December 6, 2008

Niecie Girl II in her skivvies.
I see chicken legs.

Stunned Cabbage Patch Doll...

Sneak Peak at the Claus...

Bennett & St. Nick

Santa showed him how to put two candy canes together in the shape of a heart. Bennett loved that.

Last year she screamed her pretty little face off. This year she did a cheeez smile and averted her eyes from the camera. I prefer the screaming pics.

His way of telling me that I should be focused on him and not snapping pictures of his cousin...

Goober.

Producer of The Niece! and the Encore Presentation as well!

Candy Cane Deliciousness...

In the car Auntie did not buy her...

"A minute inside my head" AND/OR "Why I usually just post pictures"

I called to talk to my Emily (not a rare thing) and happened to interrupt a birthday party for my uncle; incidentally, I was able to talk to him briefly and wish him a happy birthday. What a blast from the past...hearing his voice...like a three minute time capsule strait out of childhood. I don't think I have heard his voice since the last time I was down in those parts...about seven years ago. I hung up the phone with a huge smile on my face...slapped there by my quirky, crazy uncle and his wayward view of the world. He told me about my sister's Christmas card (from Hawaii) and how good it looked next to their pre-lit, fake palm, Christmas tree. And he told me about how lucky he is to still be around to see this birthday (only 53) since the doctors keep taking parts of him out...pretty soon there won't be any of him left! Or so he claims.

He did have some sort of cancerous tumour removed this year...pretty much a different body part for him each year and he is actually quite lucky to still be around! (This uncle is my biological father's brother and from a branch of my family tree that I don't often get to catch up with...my cousin Emily being the grand exception, as we usually call each other weekly, if not more...from our prospective countries...so catching up with him was a rare treat! My bio father passed away nearly two decades ago.)

We made out annual trip to see Santa Claus today. The Niece! replaced her scream of years gone by with a fake smile and refusal to look directly at the camera. Prior to her turn on St. Nick's lap, she proudly announced that she was going to be brave this year and not scream her face off. Oh how I love the 'screaming on Santa's lap' pictures. Perhaps K8 will be terrified of him next year...

Bennett is the most excited that he has ever been about Santa; previous years he could not have cared less. He was so excited and nervous that he could not recall his age or what grade he is when asked by Santa and he almost forgot what he wanted for Christmas. It was very cute.

Santa showed him how to put two candy canes together to make a heart and told him to give one of them to his mom. Santa was on very good behaviour. It was a good visit.

K8 spent about twenty minutes staring me strait in the face today. This is very momentous because she usually passes out in my arms (perhaps I smell like a nap?) and the amount of time she spent gazing at me and cooing at me today was more than all other eye contact I have had with her to date! She even gave Auntie a couple little smiles! Melt. My. Heart. Especially when she would loudly protest if my gaze broke from hers. Damn you Auntie! You suck at this game!

My son. Oh, my son. He has been such an ever increasing pleasure this year. I truly am enjoying mothering him at this age more than I have at any other age; I have said this same thing every year...but it just keeps getting better and better, this "son" thing. His stories and his imagination and personality and inquisitive way of seeing the world. So very often I find myself just relishing the moment or stopping everything and just listening to his take on whatever situation has captured his attention. This week he has been obsessed with Laser Guns and very slyly pointed out a laser tag game in Costco that he would like to see under the tree. He has also been particularly annoyed by the fact that the traffic lights are vertical in our province and he would really like if they were mounted horizontally like they are in Alberta (due to Chinooks...which we thankfully do not have here...thank you mountains!) Super heroes, Santa Claus and tattoos have also dominated the conversation. As I type this he is tattooing my feet with a black marker. I love that he loves tattoos...although the "temporary" variety are more than adequate for now: be them stick on or 6-year-old drawn. It's probably a good thing that it's sock season...

And his singing has just gone off the rector scale...this boy of mine! Apparently Nickelback's new song is "My Song!" and not "Gotta be Somebody" as the album cover suggests. This boy does a killer impression of that annoying Pink song, which I will not try to remember the name of, because it would remain in my head for the next five days. The top ten has become an integral part of our morning routine over the last month (step over annoying cartoons...thank god.)

He's getting his first acoustic guitar for Christmas and I think I have found a good instructor for him. Music lessons start in the new year. I have yet to pin down the ins and outs of working piano into his schedule, but will solve that in due time.

After searching everywhere imaginable for Bennett's "Christmas Shirt" and coming up empty handed, I took Bennett's "Easter Shirt" out of the closet for the rendezvous with Santa today. I later located the a fore mentioned shirt...on the ironing board, waiting to be ironed. I never thought to look there. He did look mighty sharp in his Easter Shirt, if I may say so, as he did in his Christmas Shirt prior.

"Holiday Shirts" are as important around here as buying dresses for the girls, as it's really the only time of year that I get to buy dressy clothes for my boy and I get to buy dresses year round; no one needs an excuse to buy dresses for god-daughters and nieces. With my boy, the goal is to find something that looks sharp and DOES NOT look like I am trying to send him to church.

And that is a minute inside my brain...and without a single sexual connotation. I'll probably go back to posting pictures tomorrow.

Happy First Birthday Baby Aaron!

*Click on "BRUTUS" tag below to take a trip back a year...