Why you are glad that you were NOT at my house this morning...

Woke up this morning to my beloved cat puking on my bed. ON MY BED! ON THE QUILT MY GRANDMOTHER MADE!!! Good Morning.

Cats puke on occasion. I know. But I have no carpet in the house, which means that the rare event usually calls for some spray cleaner and paper towels...not washing my god damn quilt! Don't get me wrong here, all ye dog lovers, a bout of cat puke is not nearly as disgusting as the thought of picking up some mutts feces in a little plastic bag twice a day *shudder*, or one instance of my child running into the house with shit on his shoes because the damn neighbour was too lazy to walk his dog, let alone let the dog out in their own back yard to do his foul business. Said neighbours also fail to bathe, brush or trim their dog's mangy sheepskin like pelt. If their dog looks that horrid, I would hate to see the inside of their house...

On with my morning...

Nothing like a nice swig of rancid, curdled milk. As I was standing in front of my fridge, curdled milk in one hand, milk jug in the other, I am staring at an expiration date that is still over a week into the future...then I glance at the temperature dial inside the trusty ice box. My child, at some point in the recent past, put his sticky little fingers on the thing and turned it to zero...as in zero cold...as in zero perishable food survived. So, until I go shopping, our fridge now has a couple of vinegar based salad dressings in the door and a drawer full of onions...the rest of the cubic storage is up for rent...

In an effort to make my son's lunch from non-refrigerated goods, I start to open up a can of soup, and immediately after puncturing the top of the can, the can opener went to can opener heaven. So, now I have a fridge full of rancid glory and a de-funk can opener. Oh, and the flu I thought I was coming down with...it would actually be food poisoning! Yay me!

More events that were less than this-will-someday-be-humorous also transpired. All I have to say is that the child and I departed ways this morning with a mutual glare. I re-scheduled my re-scheduled psych exam and went back to bed. Pepto-Bismol anyone?